I Know Nothing About Betting But....
He may not know a lot about betting, but today on the blog Greg Theoharis delivers his weekend (modern television classic themed) Premier League tips.
Everton v Liverpool
Two sides of the same coin. Families divided. Love and hate abound in equal measure. Vendettas, feuds and beefs that would take years of therapy to unpick. The Merseyside derby can only be The Sopranos. As the narrative unfolds with each passing year, you approach it with the same sense of impending doom. Someone is definitely going to get ‘whacked’ in midfield; it’s a local affair after all. All of this delivered with the same impenetrable vernacular that wouldn’t be out of place if it was transposed to New Jersey.
And when all’s said and done, the family always comes together in hatred of those arrogant ‘skallies’ from across the way. For New York, see Manchester United. Cut to black and the rest of us are left wondering what it was all about.
Score: Everton 1 – Liverpool 1
Hull City vs Crystal Palace
Only Don Draper from Mad Men would be able to sum up this fixture to you and by the look of things, Hull’s marketing department has been trying to channel the aura of Madison Avenue’s most notorious advertising executive in its ongoing attempt to present a more sellable package to a global audience. They’re Tigers now after all. Tigers. Ones that smile - have you looked at that club crest, recently?
However, like Draper all this bluff and bluster is predicated on a mirage; a lie that only the self-deluder wants to believe. Try as they might, Hull shirts will not be bootlegged by the cartload in Bangkok’s Khao San Road because they will never be Manchester United. But isn’t that the point of advertising? As for Palace, Ian Holloway was just mad. And he is a man. Watch his former club descend into hell (relegation) much like Draper himself.
Score: Tigers 3 – Eagles 2
Manchester City v Tottenham
A late-blooming probable genius pitted against a cocksure young braggart. Both want to produce the same product but for very different reasons. This is football’s version of Breaking Bad.
Can’t see it? Imagine Manuel Pellegrini with that low-rumbling voice, minus hair and with a goatee telling you that he’s “the danger”. He has a plan and is definitely going to make his employers a lot of money. The problem with that being, what will the body count be by the end of the season? Those City owners want to be paid after all. Now imagine AVB in baggy trousers, beanie hat, calling Sandro a “bitch”. Demands repeat viewings. And Walter White will always emerge victorious.
Score: Manchester City 3 – Tottenham 1
Cardiff City vs Manchester United
A battle for feudal kingdoms rages with much skullduggery ensuing as noble houses are deposed and power struggles drive the plot forward. The last few months without Sir Alex Ferguson have been a little like Game of Thrones. Loyalties have been tested and hierarchies are in flux and as the season hurtles towards its inevitable climax, some much-loved characters might leave the show. Ryan Giggs, those warlords are coming for you. Either that or they’re not going to extend your contract.
In a devilish subplot, Cardiff oversee an ongoing civil war between dragons and bluebirds. It’s proved a surprise ratings hit, so I’m not going to question it.
Score: Cardiff City 1 – Manchester United 2
Weekend Premier League Odds - Odds as at 22nd November 2013.
|Hull City||1.85||Draw||3.50||C Palace||5.00|
|Cardiff City||6.00||Draw||4.00||Man Utd||1.65|
|West Brom||2.15||Draw||3.40||Aston Villa||3.80|
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Follow Greg on Twitter: @Sofalife
And read more of his work on his blog DispatchesFromAFootballSofa.com