Arsenal vs Bayern Munich Preview Infographic

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Is this the team Wenger has been building all these years? Today on the blog, Jack Lang looks ahead as the Gunners face their toughest test this season: the kings of Europe, Bayern Munich, in the Champions League.

Arsenal vs Bayern Munich 2014 infographic

Arsenal vs Bayern Munich infographic

Embed this Arsenal Champions League infographic anywhere you want by copying the following code:

Arsenal vs Bayern Munich Preview: The Valkyries Cometh

That sound drifting over the horizon. Is it… music? It is, you know. It’s getting louder, closer. A hum, fast becoming an orchestral swell. You recognise this piece. It’s menacing, swooping. Isn’t it by that German guy with the bad reputation? Yeah, it’s definitely him.

You look up the street. The Holloway Road (for that’s where you are) is silent. Deserted, even. Then you see it. The skyline over the Emirates stadium is glowing red. No, crimson. The clouds are coalescing into shapes you can’t quite place. A deep, unshakeable sense of dread enters your soul. For you are an Arsenal fan. And it is spring time.

Arsenal's Toughest Test

This is When-Things-Go-Wrong Season. You know it, deep down. All the glitz and promise of September and October has faded like chalk in the rain. You’ve seen it all before, of course – almost annually, in fact, ever since the petrodollars started to tighten their grip on the Premier League. You’re not alone. But after the gold rush of the early Arsene Wenger years, your emptiness is uniquely empty. Unless Manchester United keep staring into the abyss, in which case you’ll at least have a few more cellmates in purgatory.

The symptoms are appearing as they always do. Wenger is just beginning to make his first flirtations with petulance and fatalism. Theo Walcott and Aaron Ramsey are krocked. Mikel Arteta has used up his running quota for the year. Olivier Giroud’s footballing ability has once again retreated into the shadow of his impeccable hair game. Mesut Ozil is still in the middle of his One-Man Winter Break©. 

Sure, you’re still “in the Premier League title race” (Wenger’s words) but things suddenly look bleak. Don’t worry, though. They can always get worse. Now who is that, riding across the night sky on a wave of poorly-thought-out metaphor and half-baked references to Wagner? Oh yes. It’s Bayern Munich.

They have a good record against English teams. They beat you last year in London, and then could barely even be bothered to show up for the second leg, allowing you to claim some impossibly nebulous silver lining. They are European champions. Look at the stats in that infographic. Wait, don’t cry.

Actually, do. Because here is a list of their players (I could wax lyrical about them, but I feel the brute names – and the sheer number of them – should be enough to settle whatever argument you think there is): Thomas Muller. Toni Kroos. Bastian Schweinsteiger. Arjen Robben. Franck Ribery. Thiago Alcantara. Philipp Lahm. Manuel Neuer. Mario Mandzukic. Javi Martinez. Mario Gotze. Dante. David Alaba.

Really, you may as well not actually watch the game. Spend 15 minutes or so imagining a historic win for Nacho Monreal and his illustrious pals, then 75 doing something – anything – that will enhance your life, even if in the most insignificant way. Read a few pages of a book. Tell your girlfriend or boyfriend or wife or husband you love them. Take the first tentative steps into rugby fandom. Because this won’t end well.

They are going to beat you. Sorry.

Ed: bettingexpert is always impartial and Arsenal do in fact have a chance at least winning the home leg. See the odds of Arsenal winning below:

 

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Follow Jack on Twitter: @snap_kaka_pop

Read more of Jack's work on his blog: SnapKakaPop.blogspot.com

Brazilian football writer for a range of sites and publications, as well as for his blog, Snap, Kaká and Pop! He doesn't particularly enjoy writing about himself in the third person, but sometimes must.