I Know Nothing About Betting But....
He may not know a lot about betting, but today on the blog Greg Theoharis delivers his weekend (soap opera themed) Premier League tips.
With the news that rent-a-geezer and obvious West Ham fan, Danny Dyer, is joining the cast of EastEnders, this month’s top tips take on a distinct soap opera theme. Now, get aht of my pub and stick a pony on these…
Fulham vs Stoke
There’s a slight tinge of the pre-plane crash Emmerdale about this fixture. Traditionally, watched by a rabid and devoted fanbase, it probably would never be able to grab the attention of the most attention span ravaged channel hopper. It’s populated by men with wispy sideburns who drink bitter. A dog gnawing on a bone by their feet wouldn’t be out of place. But it’s getting sexier. Kind of.
Berbatov and company can play decent football and Mark Hughes might even have managed to challenge the common perception of Stoke. Just avert your eyes from the Peter Crouch, Ryan Shawcross and Jonathan Walters love triangle. Pass the remote.
Score: Fulham 2 – Stoke 1
Sunderland vs Manchester United
Coronation Street has probably seen better days. Trapped in its own self-inflicted timewarp, it lurches from one stereotypical portrayal of Northern life to another. Moreover, it’s riddled with off-set scandals that threaten to upstage the actual melodrama we watch on our teleboxes. The glory days are over.
You see where I’m going with this?
Are Manchester United dying a slow death? Poor results on the pitch, farce off it. Moyes’ll be making a bid for Craig Charles in January at this rate. And as for Sunderland, the Di Canio farce betters anything that the writers of Dallas ever came up with. Even a man stepping out of a shower. Maybe this is all a dream, and Fergie and Paolo will still be there when we wake up?
Score: Sunderland 1 – Manchester United 4
Norwich City vs Chelsea
A rare soap opera hybrid where we see a mash-up of the casts of Made In Chelsea and The Only Way Is Essex on a jolly to football’s quaint outer reaches. In other words, Norwich are the homely, non-threatening equivalent of teatime soap operas from time immemorial, from Take The High Road all the way through to Doctors.
The brash roadshow will go to Carrow Road, belch, mug and pout its way through ninety minutes of choreographed melodrama and once its all over, Norwich will continue their gentle and quiet moves towards midtable security. Football isn’t only about being splashed on the cover of Inside Soap after all. Now that’s a proper mixed metaphor for you there.
Score: Norwich City 0 – Chelsea 3
Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham United
The never-ending saga of the Nearly Eastenders versus the Caricatured Eastenders continues. Past vendettas simmer, some infidelity has occurred, both like a showdown in the local boozer every now and then. The two casts might be ever-changing but the intensity of the fixture remains as intense as ever. Well, on West Ham’s part anyway.
Spurs have decided to ditch the kitchen sink griminess of the past and have invested heavily in glamorous signings in a bid to leave the National Soap Awards behind. They’re in the market for BAFTAS now. Needless to say, they’ll end up mirroring something closer to a South American soap. It’s Spurs after all.
Score: Tottenham Hotspur 1 – West Ham United 1
Weekend Premier League Odds
Odds as at 4th October 2013.
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Follow Greg on Twitter: @Sofalife
And read more of his work on his blog DispatchesFromAFootballSofa.com